Allan Sherman - Good Advice

Quotables and Woody boxing a kangaroo

“A hypocrite is a guy who writes a book on atheism, and prays that it will sell.” - Woody Allen (considered Woody's first paid joke)

“I never cared about commercial success, and as a result I rarely achieved it.”  - Woody Allen (not a joke)

Quotes by Mark 12/15

Mark: Daddy! Move your armpit! (pretty sure that he meant 'arm') - Clarification: Mark told me later that he meant 'elbow'

Some sharp one-liners...

'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.' - Groucho Marx

'Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.' - Woody Allen

'My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.' - Billy Connolly

'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.' - W.C Fields

'My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.' - Les Dawson

'Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.' - Spike Milligan

'I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. - Bob Newhart

'I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". ' - Jimmy Carr

'I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.' - Ken Dodd

'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.' - Noel Coward

'The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.' - Oscar Wilde

'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.' - Mark Twain

"I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: "That never stopped you before". - Bob Hope

'Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.' - Bill Cosby

'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.' - Mae West

'Politics is just show business for ugly people.' - Jay Leno

'I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Blue Man Group videos

Ben and Chelsea

My friend Ben met up with Chelsea Clinton at a rally...

Another sign that makes me laugh

I have seen these signs in Phnom Penh several times, and I finally got a picture of one... it is actually for a driving school (which in and of itself is funny, if you have ever been in traffic here... but I salute his attempt)... but anyway, it makes me laugh because of the obvious rip off of KFC and Colonel Sanders...

Come on!

There are so many things in Cambodia that can make the English speaker laugh... this sign is near a kind of shady area, so I was not sure what the implications were... anyway... hope that you laugh too...