Fun quotes from 'Scoop' (2006)

Sid Waterman: I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I mean this sincerely... you may be deceased but you should not be discouraged. Because, you know, uh, d-d-don't think of b-being dead as a handicap, you know what - when as I child I stuttered, but with stick-to-it-tiveness and perseverence, you know, you can never tell what can happen.

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Sid Waterman: Listen to me! I'll go get coffee, you get a cramp. Go into the water, flounder around, you know...

Sondra Pransky: [sighs] Ahh...
Sid Waterman: Yes! Go ahead, sweetheart. That's, that's a great idea. He'll oblige to save you that way and if he doesn't, you know, then I'll notify your parents.

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Sid Waterman: I don't need to work out. My anxiety acts as aerobics.

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Sondra Pransky: You are a cynical crapehanger who always see the glass half-empty!

Sid Waterman: No, you're wrong. I see the glass half full... but of poison.

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Sid Waterman: The man is a liar and a murderer, and I say that with all due respect.

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Joe Strombel: This'll be the biggest story to hit London since Jack the Ripper.

Sondra Pransky: Jack the Ripper. Is that capitalized?

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Sid Waterman: We need to put our heads together.

Sondra Pransky: If we put OUR heads together, it would make a hollow sound.

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Sid Waterman: I was in the lounge, I heard you drowning, I finished my tea and scones and came immediately!

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Sid Waterman: Not everything in this world is sinister... just practically everything.

Sondra Pransky: Ugh... the Indian food made me sick.
Sid Waterman: What? You barely touched your cobra salad, how can you be sick?

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Sid Waterman: Oh yes, she can't swim. She sinks like a stone! It's a family trait, actually, lack of buoyancy. Her siblings suffer from it too.

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Man: So what do you do, Mr. Spence?

Sid Waterman: Real estate.
Sid Waterman: Uh, I mean, oil. I WAS in real estate, but now I'm in oil. I mean, now land is getting hard to come by... especially... outdoors.

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Sondra Pransky: [to Sid] Stop telling people I sprang from your loins!

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Sid Waterman: Actually, I bought my first Reubens with my poker winnings.

Garden Party Guest: You bought a Rubens painting?
[stunned]
Sid Waterman: Oh, oh, no. Not a painting. A reuben sandwich.

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Sid Waterman: This guy must be some lover if you're ready to drop the whole investigation! I must find out what breakfast cereal he eats...

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Peter Lyman: What's wrong? Are you crying?

Sondra Pransky: No, I'm too tough to cry. My nasal passages do get congested when I'm sad, though.

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Sid Waterman: You're alone up there with a very, very dangerous man! That's two "very's"!

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Sondra Pransky: I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to marry him someday.

Sid Waterman: You come from an orthodox family, would they accept a serial killer?

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Sondra Pransky: Why would Peter kill a prostitute?

Sid Waterman: Because it looks bad on his resume!

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Sondra Pransky: Why don't you think about this as adding some excitement to your life?

Sid Waterman: Sweeheart, excitement in my life is dinner without heartburn after it.

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Peter Lyman: I just can't get the vision of you in your swimsuit out of my head.

Sondra Pransky: Oh I'm glad you liked it! It was marked down!

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Sid Waterman: What about Indian food, do you like spicy food?

Sondra Pransky: No, no, it's OK, I don't have that much of an appetite.
Sid Waterman: But you will, when they bring out the prawns in hydrochloric acid...

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Sondra Pransky: Do you have a family?

Sid Waterman: I had a wife but sh... she dumped me if you can believe that.... She thought I was immature and that I never grew up... I had a great rebuttal for her, I coulda nailed her, you know, but uh... (when) I raised my hand, she would *not* call on me.

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Sondra Pransky: [Speaking of the ghost] Look, the spirit appeared next to me. at first I thought he was one of your stooges.

Sid Waterman: I don't work with stooges. You know, because you gotta pay them health benefits.

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Sid Waterman: I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism